On saying Goodbye

Call it denial or stoicism, I have shed very few tears over our moving out of Davis. And I intended it to stay that way until I actually got on the plane. But tonight I was hit in the chest and the tears flowed.

We are not leaving Davis, just going on a prolonged adventure. right? No need for drama... but, I was so moved tonight at the Farmers market when so many friends showed up , from so many of our different paths over the years. Nursery school friends, Birch Lane school friends, old neighborhood friends, PTA friends, Book club friends, college days friends, new and old, all so very dear to me.

As my friend Holly said, it was like a wedding. I felt like I was breezing through everyone and wanted to have a meaningful, appreciative moment with each and every person there. Is that really possible? To say how much you appreciate and care for this person who you may not see for 18 or more months? How to be profound in this farmers market situation?

The kids were running wild and happy, crazy with the "yes" parents (yes to the bouncy house, yes to ice cream, yes to just about anything to keep their spirits up and them occupied so we could say our hellos and goodbyes). Spirits were high all around. And then it was time to go. The kids started to fall apart, I started to say "no" (really, no kettlecorn, they did not need it after all the other junk). Tears from Louise, stomach ache for Noah. TIME TO GO.

So I really did have to say goodbye after all.

Well, saying goodbye to my friend Kristin and realizing that I would not see her in a day or two, but in 18 months... Dang, that hit me. And I feel sad. And the tears flowed. The problem is I am not done saying goodbye yet, we still have 4 more days.

"Are you excited?" people ask, well yes, I guess, but not really, I am too practical. I am thinking about the apartment we have to find, and my kids, will they be happy? and will I find a meaningful job? What kind of food will we eat besides sausage? Will I be able to satisfy my Mexican food cravings? So, excited? not really, but happy to finally be embarking on this adventure in a few days. No more waiting.

But saying goodbye...it sucks